Don't live in the shadow of the tomb and your disappointments of yesterday

Over the last few days I have been reflecting on the cross and all that surrounds it. To be honest my reflections have not taken me as much to why Jesus died but more what it would have been like for those close to him. Good Friday would have been the darkest probably most painful day of their lives and the day that followed so empty and void of hope. 
The disciples were so close to Jesus they lived and breathed what he taught. Their hope for their futures had been placed in him. They had left their livelihoods to follow him.  Lets face it they had a lot riding on this guy. Then it all went horribly wrong, and on that cross their hopes died, their futures died. Their friend lay there dying and there was nothing they could do about it. 
This really struck me I think because I have recently written a blog for a charity I am involved in. 8 years ago my son was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, a fatal muscle wasting disease for which there is no cure. That day felt like my Good Friday, all my hopes, faith and dreams died on that day. I cried God why have you forsaken me? I tasted the bitterness of bile. I shouted and screamed 'God I have given you everything and yet you have done this?' On that day and for a good couple of months later I lived under a dark cloud. I lived in a place completely empty of hope, empty of anything. I couldn't see any way out. Everything had changed.


I wonder how the disciples felt? How Mary felt? Did they walk around in a daze?
'Holy Saturday' must have been a very dark day for them, coming to terms with what happened, readjusting to life without him and making new plans, mourning the death of their master, their friend and most importantly their Savior. Jesus had foretold them of his death and indeed of his resurrection, he had told them the end of the story, but they didnt get it. I wonder in the reality of Good Friday and the day after did they believe he would come back? Did they hold on to his promises?


Going back to my sons diagnosis, I had so many promises to hold on to. 'I will never leave you or forsake you' was one of them. But in the darkness of that time I have to admit I lost sight of those promises and lost sight of God. That's a dangerous place to be! I am so glad I am out of that place now.


But this morning something struck me, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb. She went back to the place where her hopes had died, her dreams in tatters and her friend gone. She went back to a place of great pain and grief and there she was met with an empty tomb and more so than that she now stood in a place not of mourning but of victory. Jesus had done it! She was told he had risen and to go and spread the word. She then met him and fell at his feet clasping them with all that she had. 


Sometimes I think we have to go back and we have to face those fears and the pain. The bitterness and the disappointments life brings. Sometimes we are hurt badly by those in the church and these things can mar our relationship with God, it can stop us moving forward. Imagine living your life under the shadow of the tomb instead of in the light of the resurrection, living in the emptiness of Easter Saturday. Being disappointed in God is such a heart wrenching thing. To face circumstances and disappointments whatever they may be and to go back can be the most victorious and releasing event ever.  It's only when we let all that go can we stand in his resurrection power, and then go and pass that on to others. 


If we are holding onto the baggage how can we run and clasp our saviors feet, like Mary did. 


I have done that now, I have moved from that place of disappointment, of anger, of why God to that place of joy once again, and in that joy comes real strength to get me through the tough times. 


This Easter for the first time in years I felt such a joy in celebrating the fact that he had risen and the victorious power that brings, because not only can I stand before the throne of grace with no condemnation, I can walk in hope, hope of a future. 


Finally; I have spent some time pondering on the reaction of the disciples.I think our reaction to the news of Jesus' Resurrection is somewhat diluted. God had triumphed, he cheated death he died and now he lives. Come on that deserves a shout, a scream and a dance! Did the disciples sing a few good hymns and clap their hands or did they scream, shout and give the saviour of the world 12 high fives (or 11?) and rugby tackle him to the ground? 


My 5 year old was very excited today she said to me , after we established it wasn't about Easter eggs, 'I cant believe Jesus is alive again, he is the most important person.' 
As they say out of the mouth of babes, her eyes sparkled and she had a huge grin on her face as she said it! 


So as Easter Sunday draws to a close, make a decision to live in Easter Sunday and not in the dark doubtful reality of the Saturday. He died that  we may live and live in hope free from fear and disappointments.


So choose to live in the light of the resurrection and not under the shadow of a tomb.
Move on from the hurt and the disappointments and embrace God, embrace his power.


let the truth of this song wash over you

Me,God and The Olive Tree: Here I raise my Ebenezer

Me,God and The Olive Tree: Here I raise my Ebenezer: Samuel 7 vs 10-12 (the message) While Samuel was offering the sacrifice, the Philistines came within range to fight Israel. Just t...

Here I raise my Ebenezer

Samuel 7 vs 10-12 (the message)

While Samuel was offering the sacrifice, the Philistines came within range to fight Israel. Just then God thundered, a huge thunderclap exploding among the Philistines. They panicked—mass confusion!—and ran helter-skelter from Israel. Israel poured out of Mizpah and gave chase, killing Philistines right and left, to a point just beyond Beth Car. Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it "Ebenezer" (Rock of Help), saying, "This marks the place where God helped us."

What an important declaration. ‘This marks the place where God has helped us!’ What a faith builder to look back on our lives and see these points where ‘like a thunder clap God stepped in.’

I have a book where I have kept account of everything God did for me last year and there were points where he really did step in like a thunder clap. How encouraging it is to look back at what God has done and to build my faith up to believe that he will continue to step in like a thunderclap when I need him.

I know it is important to thank God for what he has done for us and to give him the praise and the glory, when as a family we have prayers answered I always say to the kids remember to thank God. I want it to be second nature to thank God and for them not to go to him with a shopping list expecting everything, like they do to their earthly father!

But I believe this act of setting our Ebenezer stone is about much more than just thanking God. It is a declaration in the face of the enemy!

Reading 1 Samuel 7 it seems that when it was all kicking off Samuel was offering the sacrifice and crying out to God on Israel’s behalf.

Vs 8 They said to Samuel, “Do not stop crying out to the LORD our God for us, that he may rescue us from the hand of the Philistines.” 

They were panicking and they were scared...remind you of situations in your life? I know it does me.

I picture Samuel on his knees praying about the situation, offering the sacrificial lamb keeping calm and crying out to God. Oh to be more like Samuel than the Israelite's!

It was whilst Samuel was offering the lamb and crying out to God on Israel’s behalf that God stepped in.

At the start of the chapter we see Israel turning back to the Lord and doing away with their false idols and deciding to only follow God.  Isn’t it true that when we come to God and when we say we need him and only him and we ask for forgiveness that we see a change? When we come to the altar and truly sacrifice ourselves, our dreams, hopes and our plans. When we lay it all out before him and say God no longer can I do this on my own then BANG he steps in! I know I have certainly found that at points in my life I can see that connection. Chaos can be reigning all around me and I am trying to fight it on my own and nothing changes but when I let go and hand it all over God steps in.

It also helps to have a Samuel crying out to God on your behalf :-) I have some great friends that over the years have got on their knees before God and really prayed for me and my family.

So back to the chapter...

God steps in like a mighty thunder clap and sends confusion to the philistines. I think he also gave the Israelite's strength in battle and they gained the victory. Just like when God steps in for us he gives us the strength to fight the battle we are in and the tools to succeed.

Samuel knew how important it was to mark this occasion, to mark the point where Israel turned to God and God stepped in. He knew how important it was to say 'this marks the point where the Lord helped us.'

But the chapter doesn’t end there...

God continued to be with them and it marked a turning point. From this point on there was peace and restoration in Samuels lifetime.

vs13-14 ‘So the Philistines were subdued and they stopped invading Israel’s territory. Throughout Samuel’s lifetime, the hand of the LORD was against the Philistines. The towns from Ekron to Gath that the Philistines had captured from Israel were restored to Israel, and Israel delivered the neighboring territory from the hands of the Philistines. And there was peace between Israel and the Amorites.’

I wonder about the stuff that's not written. Did the Israelite's look back at the Ebenezer stone and marvel at what God did? When trouble came did they panic again or did they look at the place where God helped them?

Last year I raised my Ebenezer stone and I often look back and marvel at the time that God stepped into my situation and gave me the victory and fulfilled his promises.

When we move into our new house one of the first things we are going to do is place a physical statue in the garden. An Ebenezer stone. How amazing to sit and look out and remember ‘This marks the place where God helped us'. When tough times come and moments of doubt, how brilliant to look and remember ‘this far the lord has helped us’ and to remember the old saying God hasn’t brought me this far to leave me.

The other thing the Ebenezer stone will remind me of is that God stepped in for a reason and there was a reason I cried to him for his help. And those times where I may be in danger of stepping back into the driving seat of my life and moving God over, I will look at that stone and remember God steps in when I step out!

1.    Come, thou Fount of every blessing, 
 tune my heart to sing thy grace; 
 streams of mercy, never ceasing, 
 call for songs of loudest praise. 
 Teach me some melodious sonnet, 
 sung by flaming tongues above. 
 Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, 
 mount of thy redeeming love. 

2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer; 
 hither by thy help I'm come; 
 and I hope, by thy good pleasure, 
 safely to arrive at home. 
 Jesus sought me when a stranger, 
 wandering from the fold of God; 
 he, to rescue me from danger, 
 interposed his precious blood. 

3. O to grace how great a debtor 
 daily I'm constrained to be! 
 Let thy goodness, like a fetter, 
 bind my wandering heart to thee. 
 Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 
 prone to leave the God I love; 
 here's my heart, O take and seal it 
 seal it for thy courts above. 

David Crowder band sing Come Thou Font

Me,God and The Olive Tree: How can I keep from singing your name!

Me,God and The Olive Tree: How can I keep from singing your name!: I love looking back at what God has done over the last year, I love looking through the Journal I kept this time last year and reading what ...

How can I keep from singing your name!

I love looking back at what God has done over the last year, I love looking through the Journal I kept this time last year and reading what was written, marvelling over the words God spoke through his word, through friends, through the ministry of Pastor Matthew Ashimolowo and seeing how those words have now been outworked and fulfilled in my life. I love recalling my testimony for other people, to help build their faith. It has been truly amazing. 
God has changed my life around. As well as restoring my marriage, my family, providing me with a secure and rewarding job, selling our house, providing us with an amazing new one, he has also grown my faith and my relationship with him more in the last two years than in my 25 years of knowing him. But above everything he has also give me the strength and the hope needed to live as a mum of a child with a progressive illness. He has given us laughter in the darkest of places and calm amongst the storm. He hasn't take Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy from us, my son does have a limited life span and his muscles are wasting BUT what God has done has given us Joy in spite of this. He has given my son a courage and the most simplistic faith that I know will get him through whatever he has to deal with. 
At church we sing a gorgeous song entitled How can I keep from singing your name, by Chris Tomlin I felt like raising the roof, the lyrics are so precious.

Here is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

How can I keep from singing your praise? How can I ever say enough, how amazing is your love? How can I keep from shouting your name? I know i am loved by the king, and it makes my heart want to sing

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne
how can i keep from singing your praise how can i ever say enough how amazing is your love how can i keep from shouting your name a know i am loved by the king and it makes my heart i am loved by the king and it makes my heart i am loved by the king and it makes my heart want to sing

And no matter what 2012 will hold good or bad, whether it be walking on the mountains or trudging through the valleys, I pray I keep on singing. above everything else I am loved by the King of Kings and that alone is a reason to keep singing and one day it will be with him. 

Restoration House

So I write this with a happy heart! Our offer was accepted and the biting of the nails worth it. God granted us favor and the vendors accepted an offer. It's the type of house I have always dreamed of but thought would be  out of my reach. we have an amazing God that loves to bless us. I stood in church this morning, as I prayed I would, and was able to testify that God has provided! I look back now and see that God directed our paths and made the way possible. I now have a very tense few weeks as we push through the sale of our house and the purchase of a new one under auction conditions. I did have some panicky moments and started to think of all the things that could go wrong, what if our mortgage application is refused, what if our buyer pulls out, what if....


God said to Joshua be strong Be courageous you will inherit the land, I will be with you. Like Joshua we are in unfamiliar territory. Keeping our eyes on God looking at him over the unfamiillar surroundings will ensure our success. Just like Peter  when God commanded him to step out of the safety of the boat and walk on the water. As long as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus he was fine the moment he took his eyes off Jesus he started to sink. Our test these next few weeks is to keep focused on God and his promises. Committing our ways and plans to him and he will make sure they succeed.


Restoration house is an exciting time for me and my family and through it we want to bless everyone who comes through the door. As I  wrote in 2010 'A big house suitable for all my family, filled  with joy hope and love' I want it to be somewhere people can come in to and experience Gods love and grace.


Tomorrow is an important day mortgage application and survey on our property for the buyer...more nail biting no doubt, but hopefully no panic and I face forward staring into the eyes of my Father, the all powerful God. He has brought us this far and will ensure he finishes what he has started. And in the words of the preacher this morning God invests a lot in us, a lot more than the deposit we have invested, his reputation is on the line to and he will work everything out for the good.


I look forward to collecting the keys to Restoration House....


ps then maybe I shall invest in another set of acrylic nails! 

A Man's heart plans his way but the Lord directs his steps

So as I write this blog I am sitting biting my nails (having pulled off the acrylics yesterday!) chewing my lip and basically being a nervous ball of energy. A very similar feeling to this time last year. 
This time last year God spoke very clearly to me about restoration. I had to work through what that meant I had my ideas but God directed my steps and what it did mean was the restoration of my marriage. I remember very clearly when God promised me he would restore my marriage, I remember going and putting on my wedding ring as some kind of symbol. At the time I did think am I crazy? I remember the conversation in the car park of the swimming pool that I had with my estranged husband and the look on his face when I said I think we have something worth repairing and worth fighting for...oh and I remember the hug he gave me and the affectionate kiss on the head that filled me with hope.;-) He didn't say yes but he didn't say no and that was enough to hold onto. Anyway I digress...


So yes here I am in a similar situation. After finally having an offer on our house it has been a mad panic to find a suitable property. Our son has a progressive disease and we have to look into the future and to how the house will accommodate his needs physically. So we have found the perfect house its in the auction and  its crazy but I did feel God directing our steps towards this. We have made an offer in the hope they will pull it from Auction. Now we have to wait. The house is partly renovated and we would need to do some finishing off, some restoration. There it is that word again restoration! Could it be that after everything God said to me in 2011 and everything he did restore to me in 2011, could it be that this will be his smile on us his favour 'Restoration House' 
Towards the end of 2010 I wrote out my thoughts on wallpaper with a couple of very good friends. We rolled them out before God and we prayed. The first thing I wrote was restoration, the second thing I wrote was a big house suitable for all my family, a house filled with love hope and grace, a house where people could come and gain strength. That is still my prayer and still my desire. I pray above all else that I have truly delighted myself in God and that his thoughts have truly become my thoughts and therefore my thoughts will be established and he will give me the desires of my heart.... 
Restoration and Favour ... 


PS really need to get my nails done now! ;-)
I found this simple prayer